All In Passing

Growing up I had two and one-half sets of teeth and when I was twelve I had to have surgery to remove nine of the permanents.  I was ill from the thought at having them pulled because my uncle Larry had been born with a full third set and the stories of his mother, my mother’s mother, pulling his teeth with pliers, had such an impact on me, I had to be dragged kicking and screaming into the hospital. (In retrospect this may have been an exaggeration.)

Back in 1972 when you checked into a hospital you did so the night before a procedure. The nurse would take you for a chest X-ray, draw some blood and ask you what kind of Jello you liked. They put me in a room with this older woman, she was 31 or so, and gave me the bed by the bathroom. My mother stayed long enough to let the doctor know she’d made an appearance and then she left me with this stranger.  

I never knew what she was in for but she seemed ok to me. She got me talking and even though she was old, I enjoyed her company.  She was funny and we talked about lots of things and she had pretty friends who came to visit. I’d already started liking her but when she told me she worked for Cadbury Chocolate I was so crazed, I almost couldn’t sleep.  

The next day they came for both of us for each of our procedures. They stuck needles in our arms and gave me pills that made me sleepy. I was told they would be wheeling me into the OR soon. I waved to my new friend and groggily she motioned back. Hours later, when I was returned to my room, I saw my dad talking to her and sitting on the edge of her bed. They laughed and told jokes and even decided they went to the same places after work. Maybe they’d meet up sometime.  About a week later, when I was home, dad mentioned how this good Irish-Catholic girl had a body built for sin. I wasn’t sure if that meant she had to go to confession or if I should’ve stayed away from her, but I’d thought she was nice.  

It’d been almost two weeks since my hospital stay and my stowaway teeth had started busting through my gums and stitches.  Almost all four of my front-upper teeth had muscled their way in despite the fact that both eye teeth were perpendicular to the rest of my mouth.  I’d just sat for my first meal of quasi-solid food when dad arrived late to the table. He leaned down and whispered something like “don’t make a big deal out of this” and handed me a brown paper bag. I reached in and pulled out five of the biggest Cadbury chocolate bars I’d ever seen! Also inside was a pack of my favorite Cadbury chocolate-covered butter biscuits, always wrapped in pretty purple foil. 

I squealed as I salivated over the many pounds of chocolate before me. It was probably my first “high” in life and it brought such a smile to my face. My mother made a noise that I didn’t recognize and grabbed at the bars. Before I realized, she’d taken the chocolate and was rising from the table.  

“Mom, those are for me!” 

“Oh I wouldn’t worry about it. Your dad can always get more from his whore!” 

I remember laughing because ‘more from his whore’ sounded so funny and when I looked at Dad, he was laughing too. Mom stood and stared at us both then threw the candy in the trash can, then went outside. 

I was mad about the candy being thrown out but I knew I could get them later, so I reached in the bag to find the one thing, the best thing, Mom didn’t throw away.  I smiled at Dad, showing off my rogue teeth, and he laughed.  He then motioned for me to give him the pack and methodically he opened them.

I pushed my plate away and stared at the foil as he undressed a perfect Cadbury chocolate-covered butter biscuit. He handed it to me and took one for himself, and we savored the rich chocolate combined with the creamy buttery taste.  He held the rest of his biscuit up and I touched his cookie with mine as we said “Klink” and together we made a toast to the nice Cadbury lady and all of her great gifts.